I feel compelled to write to you to express my anguish and disgust at the state of the British weather. I am sure that you have a Minister of Weather, but he or she is clearly not doing their job with any conviction. Is he or she one of those flimsy liberals who has no teeth and has no power to make any decisions? There is clearly no point in writing to him or her, so I felt I had no alternative but to go to the man at the top.
I have cc’ed this letter to my local MP, none other than the Secretary of State, the Right Honourable Theresa May and I am sure that she will concur with my view as this fluctuating weather must be playing havoc with her outfits and particularly her choice of shoes. I know that she has a penchant for colourful and stylish footwear and how can she possibly function properly and with confidence if she is worried about her appearance. Can you imagine her dilemmas every morning, and what distress she may feel attending an event in boots when finding that by mid afternoon she should be wearing sandles. Her authority will be immediately undermined.
Furthermore, it is 8 days to the greatest event that this country has ever staged, the Olympics should showcase all that is great about Britain, but imagine the lasting memories if the event is sabotaged by inclement weather. It could be catastrophic, not only for the Olympics as a whole, but for your own Government and its chances of re-election. A sunny games and a few gold medals, with you presenting Jessica Ennis with her gold medal in glorious sunshine will do you no end of good for your credibilty and popularity. You see what I am getting at?
And what about the tourist industry? Those seeking last minute summer breaks will be jetting off to sunny climes on the continent, rather than spending their hard earned cash on supporting the British tourist economy. We have wonderful beaches and coastlines, national parks, beautiful countryside yet I fear they will suffer horrendously if this depressing inconsistent and rainy weather continues.
Please please please, you must do something about it. The country needs you to, the health welfare and state of the nation are dependent on your actions. You must rise to the challenge, show your leadership and make it happen.
The nation awaits and the nation expects.